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Moving Plans

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This weekend Chris and I went to the bay area and drove all over town looking at about ten different places trying to find out new home. It was a bit crazy, but at the same time very exciting. We settled on a place called Palm Terrace in Concord. It’s about a 45 minute drive or BART trip to downtown.

Its hard to know when you only have two days to look around to know if it’s the right choice and the right part of town, but I think we are both satisfied with what we decided on. The apartment itself is a nice three bedroom town home that is very private and updated, and you can’t bet the price for it. There is a downside to it however. No pets allowed.

So, while it may be home for now, it will not be forever. This give us time to get there, get settled, and find a home we can rent so we can bring out Chey Chey. Unfortunately this also means I have to find Ike a new home. I have come to love that cat, but everything in the bay area that excepts pets is upwards of 300 more a month, plus much more in security deposits. And for just how quickly this whole move is taking place, that extra money just isn’t there for him to come with sadly.

The place we decided on however is a short two block walk to the BART station so that will make it easy for us to get around town and not have to worry about driving in the traffic, finding parking, or anything else so that will be nice. We hopped on and took it into downtown just to see what it was like and it was actually a very nice ride. I was impressed with the cities public transit. By far better then anywhere else I have ever been. Just seems to be planned out, and funnel the masses into the right direction well.

We should find out in the next day or two if we got approved for the apartment. I am already breathing a lot better and able to sleep a bit more soundly without this constant panic in my head, and once we get the okay that will get even better. Now it’s just a matter of packing, enjoying our Disney world trip, and then actually moving. Be interesting to see how this all plays out, but things seem to be coming together finally.

Current Music: Rainy Days and Mondays ~ The Carpenter's

Ready… GO!!

So, tonight its just going to be a jumbled up mess of everything.  Just to much on my mind, and I need somewhere to go with it.  Not sure why but the last few nights have been like that.  Probably just because there is so much going on at the moment.

Chris and I have been talking about moving together, somewhere.  Save up the money, find that perfect place, and go.  Then suddenly, last Monday, Chris gets told he might have a job offer, and it’s one that he cannot pass up and advances his career years.  The hours seemed to inch by while waiting for the next piece of the puzzle as it’s all very cryptic.  Then Wednesday comes, and hes told get this application filed out and sent to us… NOW.  Then nothing for two days again.  Then hes told, yup, here’s your offer letter, tell us yes or no by Monday.

Oh by the way, did I mention that this offer requires him to be in San Francisco.  In 30 days.

Suddenly our plans to save money, and find that perfect place, changed to, hurry the fuck up, your going to San Francisco to live in 30 days.  Figure out what your doing about your lease, come up with the money for the deposit, get the money for a U Haul to bring all your stuff, find a place, in a city you have never been too, pack all your stuff, oh, and again, did I forget to mention you have a week long vacation planned in just 25 short days. So because of that vacation to Orlando, FL, you have no other PTO you can take at work, to do any of the above mentioned things.

I am incredibly excited at the opportunities this brings, I am more then thrilled for Chris to have such an offer and jump him from doing a job, to having a CAREER.  I just cant believe how quickly this changed from a plan it out thing, to a do it tomorrow thing.

We have been looking and talking constantly about this move.  Looked at hundreds of apartments in and around San Francisco (where you don’t know the good parts or the bad parts of town either by the way).  You would be surprised how hard it is to find a place that will accept you and your 90 lbs. dog, the one you love so much and could never be without.  Now we have also planned a three day weekend trip to the Bay area to look at all these places that you think you like, from the pictures you have looked at, the transit times you have taken into consideration, the google maps images you have stared at to figure out whats in the area, and the type of area it is.  And its not like the San Francisco Bay area is by any means small, it does span five counties.  The smallest being only 47 square miles TOTAL.

While every part of this move, becomes overly complex, and honestly, a bit stressful … I am beyond excited.  I love moving to new places, and seeing new things, and experiencing life in a different way.  Its amazing what each place has to teach you, and let you learn not just about the area, but about yourself as well.  I have also always wanted to live in a BIG city.  Somewhere that wasn’t shitty LA.  And from all the pictures I have looked at, and maps I have studied, videos I have watched, I am so excited to be giving San Francisco a go at better life.

Although I do have to say I am a little bummed about not moving to the East Coast.  I was so looking forward to being back on that side of weather and life.  I have been so amazed at how each coast (and in between) live such different lives.  Things are so much slower, more relaxed.  Weather is also something completely different.  A storm on the west coast, is not what a storm is considered on the east coast.  Its just a typical afternoon thunderstorm there.

I am also very excited at what the possibilities of San Francisco can do for my own career.  There are a lot more options for design needs there, then there is in the middle of the desert, in Phoenix.

So yea, that’s what I had to get out there and out of my mind for a little while.

Current Music: Bohemian Rhapsody ~ Queen

Digital Fortress

So in another one of my attempts at sleep, I decided that I should read for a bit. Hoping that this would help make me sleepy as most reading usually does. Tonight however, it did not. I made a mistake in my choice of book, which I knew ten pages in. Now, here I am, three hours later, and many, many pages later, and still awake.

I decided I was going to reread Digital Fortress by Dan Brown. A few years back I read one of his books and instantly fell in love with his style of writing, the research he does to make sure things are accurate, as well as the topics of which he writes about. I have read every book he has come out with, all of them multiple times. That’s why when I picked up this book tonight, it being the fourth time I’ve read it now, I figured I could put it down at any point as I know what happens next. Boy was I wrong.

This book, as are all of his, keeps you on the edge of your seat wanting more, not able to wait for the next page. And even after three times of reading a book, it’s still just as captivating as the first time I read it.

Digital Fortress is about the technology and encryption of emails, and the NSA’s ability to monitor such information. The words Dan Brown chooses to use to describe things are complex enough for a computer nerd like me to understand, but simple enough for me to not feel overwhelmed by the information I am getting. Any author that can do that I give a lot of credit too.

If you haven’t read any of his books yet, I suggest you try at least one. My personal favorite being Angels and Demons, or Deception Point. I’m sure by now you have seen either Da Vinci Code or Angels and Demons, but let me tell you, the movie is nothing compared to the books. So much is lost in the movies, that they are probably at the bottom of my list of good movies, simply because I compare them with the amazing quality of the books.

Sleep Disorder

So tonight I’m laying in bed with Chris and I tell him that I think I’m ready for bed. We lay down, turn out the lights, and talk for a few minutes about random nothingness. Oh, also, keep in mind that at this point it had been 30 mins since I took my night time meds, all of which make you “drowsey”.

Any way, we are laying here, and I’m mid sentence and he starts to snore. I could care less that I was mid sentence when this happened. What irritates me to no end isn’t something he, or many others have control over. Chris has the ability to lay down to go to sleep, and within 5 mins be snoring. Me …. Without meds I’m looking at laying here for about two hours. With the med, not much less.

There are lots of people out there whom can just put their head down and be out like a light in no time. Others, like myself, need to slowly, meticulous go around a proverbial 20k sq. ft. mansion and turn off each light one at a time, one room at a time, before sleep is even possible. Then, we have to lay there in the dark, and forget about everything we just saw in each room that needs to be done tomorrow and GO TO SLEEP. It’s ridiculous.

I have tried for many of years to find a suitable solution to this problem. So far I have not been successful. So if someone knows how to turn the off switch off, please tell me now. I have tried cutting out caffeine past a certain time, I’ve tried cutting out caffeine completely. I’ve tried drinking bedtime teas, taking unisom, and all kinds of OTC and herbal remedies. All with little to no success, or with a major hangover in the morning. Even remedies your grandma gave you like a nice tall glass of warm milk. All it did was upset my stomach and make me have to pee.

I’m not sure where this rant is leading, it’s doubtful I will ever find the right answer for me. Even prescription meds don’t seem to be like that much of an answer. But, this is my place to rant about fucked up things, so that’s what I’m doing :-P

Hope everyone has a good night!!! Sleep well, assholes :-*

Current Music: Chris snoring

Originally published at DaizedBoi Blog



So Chris and I have been talking about moving.  And where to seem to change every week.  Guess when you have the possibility to go anywhere, and know you have a good job that travels with you, makes your choices limitless, and difficult.

Originally we were looking to just move to the other side of town.  About 45 mins from where we are now.  Not a huge move, but enough that it would be different.  And then we talked about San Francisco because there is a lot of opportunity for both him and I job wise there.  Just talking about SF got us both a bit more excited about the possibilities.  We have both wanted to live in Hawaii since the day we got there two years ago, and as a result that has come back into play, and we were looking at what was there, the cost, and what we could do with our stuff we have now cuz you dont really want to move all that to an island 3000 miles away.  Then, out of no where, we started talking about Wilmington NC.

At first I was confused why there, but after looking at the cost of things, the type of town it is, whats in the area, and everything else that goes along with being in North Carolina, it sounded a bit more intreging.  Then, when I realized just what kind of place we could rent and afford, I got even more excited.

This whole experience talking about moving has made me realize that if you know where to look, and how to look, you can really find good, even great, places for decent prices.  Makes me remember back to all the previous movies from Wisconsin, to Florida, to California, and now to Arizona.  All the places we missed out on because we didn’t spend enough time hunting things down.

Either way, I am getting really excited at the prospect of moving to a new state, a new town, and able to start something new.  I think Chris is feeling the same way, but hes a bit harder to read sometimes.  I get this feeling that while yes, any problems you have here, will follow you there, it will help ease some of them and make them easier to resolve.

Trivial Fact about Wilmington, NC:  Movies such as A Walk to Remember, Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, Weekend at Bernie’s, TMNT, 28 Days, Nights in Rodanthe, The Jackal, Sleeping with the Enemy, A Series of Unfortunate Events, and Message in a Bottle have all been filmed there.

Helps give you some idea of what the place is like, even if you’ve never been.  Granted they romanticize and show only the good parts, but it still gives you some idea.

Current Music: Brown Eyed Girl ~ Van Morrison


Life Out There

So today I was listening to music, as I always do, and surprise surprise it was Country.  Is There Life Out There by Reba McEntire came on.  

This is a song that I have heard for years, that I have sung along with (poorly I might add), and never thought much of the song besides, "Its a catchy tune" or something simple like that.  Today, for some reason, and without even realizing it, I listened to the Lyrics, actually listened.  And I am amazed at what I heard.

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For all the times I've never actually heard that song, I would have sworn it was my story.  I got in a serious relationship very early on. Actually, Eric in HS, Jay just after, and now Chris the last 8 years.  I have spend 90% of my young adult life in a serious relationship, this current being the most marriage-like. Now I am starting to look back on all the things I never got to do or experience.  

Depression has definitely grabbed a hold of me lately, and its tried to move in for good.  The most pressing though, is "There has to be something better out there".  Something I am missing out on, something outside of my small, small circle of family that I have as a my social life.  But, I don't want to leave any of what I have now, I love what I have now, I just want to know if there is something, better.

I've always done what it is I should do, not always what it is I want to do as I'm trying to make sure tomorrow is a better day, and and forget to sometimes just live in the moment.  With the way I feel now, I am thinking I just need to make a change, get away, do something for me.

Another pressing though is if I had a time machine, and could go back before some of my current decisions... would I do it the same way?  Or are there things I would change knowing that I know now.  Different paths that I could have taken, to that unknown.

I was just very surprised how all of that, was said in that song.  Been a long time since I could find a song that fit this moment in time.  Been a few over the years, No Surprise, Never Gonna Be Alone, 100 Years, Never Again, I Hate everything About You, Here with out you, Gotta Get through This, Cant Help Falling in Love, just to name a few.  Amazing how much someones music can touch you, and feel like its talking only about you, and no one else.

A Mans best friend

Today I learned what the statement a mans best friend really is all about. After fifteen wonderful years, Romeo was laid to rest. This was by no means an easy decision to come by. But when I think of all the wonderful moments he brought to my life, what I offered him today was the best, most selfless gift one could ever give his dog. This may sound backwards and strange, I know.

Romeo has been at my side though countless ups and downs in my life. And while I thought I always had his best interest at heart, it was actually he who had mine. When I felt lonely, down, depressed, angry, frustrated, sad, mad, and any other strong emotion you can think of, he always knew just what to do. He'd come and lay his head in my lap and just look at me, or nudge my hand to pet him, and bring his toy that was five times to large to me to share, or curl up with me silently in bed. No matter what my situation was, he was always there.

Over the years there are many lives he was fortunate enough to have touched. Many people who got the pleasure of knowing what he had to offer. Romeo never forgot those who were important, even if it was years between reunions. He placed a smile on many faces, and not just mine.

But today was all about him. He and I cuddled for hours this morning while I rubbed his belly til he had a grin on his face. Then he got to have a great breakfast which helped him have energy for the day that lay ahead. We played on the living room floor with a stuffed animal twice the size of his head, and then he watched as everyone outside got in their cars and left for work. We then got to go on a car ride where he was extactic to have the wind in his face and not a care in the world.

When we arrived at the vets office for my last gift to him, they gently escorted us to a private room in the back. As much as I wanted to grab him and run as far away as possible from where we were, I knew inside my heart that what was about to come was the best thing I could do for someone who had always done so much for me. While yes, he had a great morning, his time had come. He was tired, he hurt from head to toe, eating was painful, and above all, he was no longer able to live the great life he was able to have known.

They gave him his injections and he and I laid on the floor holding one another. At first panic came across his face when he looked at me for he didn't understand what was happening. Then, relief. For a moment, he looked happy. As I laid there with him, he slowly drifted off into the eternal slumber. One where dreams of eating human food and humping stuffed animals, one where dreams of stairs to run up and drop balls down just because he can, can become reality once again for him. I truly believe that tonight he is in a better place for him. I may not be there with him, but he is no longer suffering, no longer in pain, and no longer tired.

I will forever miss my best friend. There will not be a time that comes around where I do not wish he was there to share in that moment. But if I didn't believe in a souls before today, I do now, and his will forever live on inside my heart.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.


Doodle bug

Laying here cuddling with Romeo tonight. I really don't want to let him go. I just keep thinking about all the times we have shared. My first days of middle school and not being able to wait til I got home to see him. Spending my summers in Florida with his siblings missing him terribly while he was 1000 miles away from me. Him sleeping in my water bed with me and me waking up to a leak in the bed thinking he had peed in it. Moving to florida and him being my room mate when I lived alone for the first time in my life. Driving from Florida to California with him on jays lap for all 3000 miles. Moving into the apartment in Ventura and taking him to the beach for the first time, which he hated. Us learning that potatoes of any kind are not a good thing to feed him. While moving to Arizona and him laying on the passenger Seat keeping me company for the long drive alone. The first time that he ever listened to Garth Brooks' scarecrow album and howling along with the harmonica. All the times we cuddled up to one another in bed or on the couch under the covers.

He has managed to be there through everything for me. I can't remember a time in the last 15 years where something happened and I didn't have him right there by my side to help put a smile on my face. Letting him go it going to probably be the hardest thing I have ever done. For him it's time, he's ready, I just don't know that I am. I want to hold onto him for just one more day, just one more night with him at my feet under the covers. Boy am I going to miss him. And life for the next few weeks will be hell. I love you Romeo, Monkey butt, and all the other wacky names we have all come to know you as over the years. I love you more then I could ever love someone else.

Church on the Cumberland Road...

I have a very very bad urge to want to line dance, or listen to country music loudly.

You would be surprised how often I have this urge, but do nothing about it. I think people would probably look at me like I was absolutely nuts if I blasted Country frequently. Although, I am sure I would be completely comfortable going all the way with the tight wranglers, cowboy boots, button down shirt, and cowboy hat.

If only I was so adventurous, I'd find a country bar and go. This is Phoenix, I'm sure we have plenty of cowboys here. Mmmm. Cowboys. :) I think I would have to teach myself some line dances before Id ever feel comfortable in a country bar. Then again, I think I'd want to learn some dances before I stood in my living room and embarrassed myself in front of Ike or Monkey, and they are my pets that love me unconditionally.

PS. This post just proves how much I grew up in Wisconsin, and with my brother and father.

Jan. 4th, 2010

After last nights great dinner I am wondering what to make to top it. Got 2 picky eaters tonight, and its gotta be chicken. Any suggestions?